Royane Real
The Amazing Secret To Ridding Yourself Of Self Consciousness
By Peter Murphy
Introductory comments by Royane Real
Author of “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”
Do you get self conscious whenever you are talking with someone new? Perhaps you have longed for the ability to talk to other people freely and confidently like those lucky people who seem to easily make new friends everywhere they go.
If you are usually self conscious when talking to others, you might get very angry at yourself for not feeling confident. Unfortunately, feeling angry at yourself will not make you start to feel self confident. In fact, it will have the opposite effect.
If you are very self conscious with others, you need to be very gentle with yourself if you are going to get over this condition. In some cases, self consciousness comes simply because you have not practiced talking with other people enough. Some people are self conscious because they are very emotionally sensitive.
Some people are self consciousness because they lack self confidence and self esteem. If you have had a life where you were often neglected or bullied, or abused, or criticized when you were growing up, you aren’t going to suddenly be able to turn around and be self confident. In fact, if your self consciousness is the result of a life time of abuse and neglect, or criticism, you will have to work very hard to raise your self esteem.
If most of your opinions of yourself are very negative, you will have to start challenging your negative beliefs. You will have to start putting positive opinions in place of the negative opinions you have held so far. If your case is very serious and you feel as if you are stuck and don’t know how to start thinking good thoughts about yourself, you might benefit from seeing a psychological therapist who can help you become more confident.
In the following article by Peter Murphy, you can read about some techniques you can try to reduce the amount of self consciousness you feel when you are talking to other people. You can try these techniques and see if they help you to feel more confident about yourself. Be sure also to read the many other articles on this website that can show you how to increase your self confidence.
( The introductory comments which appear above are by Royane Real, who is the author of the popular book “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends” To improve your social life, download it today at http://www.lulu.com/real )
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Feature article:
The Amazing Secret To Ridding Yourself Of Self Consciousness
By Peter Murphy
One of the biggest challenges to developing superior communication skills is that you already have your hands full in those situations where you need help. Take a typical scenario - meeting new people.
If I give you tips for listening more effectively and you rush off to practice the tips you may not get very far no matter how hard you try.
Why? Because you are likely to be “self conscious” when you need to be “other conscious”. Standing in front of the new people you want to meet, you freeze and you feel so unsure of yourself that you cannot remember even one of the listening tips.
You need the ability to switch off self consciousness whenever you choose to do so. Sounds obvious, but how can you do this? By switching your attention off of yourself and onto the other person.
When you are feeling self conscious you will tend to pay too much attention to the thoughts inside your head, how you are feeling and how you look.
Ironically, to develop great rapport you need to pay close attention to the other person. How is she feeling? How does she look today? Is she relaxed or tense?
The Three Elements To Ridding Yourself Of Self Consciousness
1. Turn off the inner dialogue that makes you feel self conscious
One way to do this is to touch the roof of your mouth with your tongue when you are not talking. We tend to move our tongues when we engage in inner talk even if only very slightly. When you put the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth you interrupt the negative inner talk pattern.
Sounds simple. It is! I could write more and more about this tip but it would not help you as much as just using it. I will leave it to you to test it for yourself.
2. Give yourself a lot of external stimulation
To keep your focus off of yourself you need to put more and more attention on the other person. If you only listen to her words you still have plenty of idle brain power that will drift back and make your self consciousness grow.
Instead you need to give your conscious mind so much to pay attention to that you are totally absorbed in the other person. Become fascinated by how she expresses herself and not just by what she says.
Keep stacking on more details to simultaneously pay attention to until you are challenged without feeling overwhelmed.
Here is a list of some elements to focus on in the other person :
Her - rate of breathing - speech rhythm - pupil dilation - changes in skin tone - speech patterns - metaphors - posture and movement – and combinations of the above
The more you pay attention to the other person, the less self conscious you will be because you will have become other conscious. Which is in fact the hallmark of people who make friends easily. Your clear interest in the other person will shine through.
3. Patient Persistence
The final point to remember is that patience and persistence wins the day. Play with these strategies a little each day and you will start to exhibit the traits of people who are supposedly gifted with people skills.
People skills are a matter of strategy. Learn the strategy, practice it and you too will enjoy the benefits that come to those who get along well with whoever they meet.
At the same time you need to earn the riches that await you. Many know what to do but few do what they know.
About the author:
Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm
Article source: http://www.article-publisher.eu
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