Royane Real
Why Wait for Happiness
By Royane Real
Author of "Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”
A few weeks ago, I was just coming back from a long car trip and anxious to get home when I rounded the last corner on my way to my house. Half a block from my home, I found my way blocked by a lot of police cars and ambulances with flashing lights. I got out of my car to see what was happening.
What I saw really shocked me. There had obviously been a very high speed collision involving three vehicles, right in the center of the intersection. All three vehicles were smashed, and my neighbours from across the street were injured.
When I looked at all the debris scattered around the street, it was obvious that somebody had been going through that intersection much too fast.
It turned out that my friend next door just happened to be walking past this corner when the accident happened. One of the trucks that was involved in the crash just missed hitting her by a matter of inches. She was too shaken to sleep that night.
The good thing was that even though all the vehicles involved in this accident were very heavily damaged, through some miracle, nobody was very seriously hurt. There had been a baby in one of the vans that survived only because his mother had put him on the opposite side of the vehicle that she usually used for his car seat.
Most of the people involved in this accident lived just a few hundred feet from where the quiet intersection where this accident took place, and they missed an unexpected death by a matter of seconds and inches.
Sometimes when we see an accident like this, we shrug and move on with our busy days, but sometimes we are forced to stop and think.
This particular accident happening so close to my own house reminded me that we make a big mistake if we keep thinking we have to postpone our happiness till something perfect happens.
None of us knows what's in store for us in the future. We don’t know how much time we have left to wait until some magical alignment of perfect events in our life will occur and we can finally let ourselves be happy. If we really want to find happiness, we have to find a way to be happy now, instead of postponing it to some future date that might never come.
Many of us are very busy trying to do the things that we think will make us happy, and buying the things that we think will make us happy. We have learned to think about happiness as something we will achieve in the future, instead of something we can actually have in the present moment.
If we think of happiness as something we might have in the future, those future moments may never come.
How many of us say "I'll be happy when I lose twenty pounds" Or "I'll be happy when I get a new car" Or "When I have kids I'll be happy". Or “When the kids leave the house I’ll be happy.”
Sure, we may feel very happy if we accomplish these goals. But if you think achieving a particular goal or buying a particular car will make you feel happy forever, you'll quickly find out that any lift is very temporary.
If you've had a big improvement in your life, such as winning a lottery, marrying the person of your dreams, or having wonderful children, after a while you get used to the change in your life. For a few years the change may make you feel very happy, but in a couple of years you'll get used to your new situation, and you're left back where you started in terms of how happy you are.
And happiness isn't a goal you can actually set out to achieve. You can feel happy as a by product of other positive things you are doing in your life.
It turns out that happiness is very elusive. Even when we have it we can't hold on to it for very long.
So, if you want to be happy, accept the fact that it's not a permanent thing.
And realize that happiness is not something that you should put off for the future. Don't tell yourself that you have to wait until you do something or wait until you have something before you allow yourself to be happy.
If you think you have to tie your happiness to some future accomplishment or some future purchase, you will find that any happiness you look forward to may not happen. Once you have the thing you thought you really wanted, you may find out that you feel disappointed instead of happy. You may find yourself thinking you need to chase some new toy or some new person or some new accomplishment. You live in the future instead of in the present.
Instead of postponing your right to happiness to some obscure time in the future, live in the here and now, and look for opportunities to be happy right now, where you are.
There can be happiness in a lot of little moments you have every day.
Get in the habit of looking for those moments Remind yourself often of the many gifts you have been given. Get in the habit of staying in a state of appreciation.
Instead of looking for happiness in external objects, learn to develop your capacity for being happy just by existing in this world.
This article was written by Royane Real, self help author of many articles, books and reports. Sign up now on this website for my free, no obligation newsletter and get real information and real inspiration to improve your life.
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