By Elaine Sihera  

Introductory comments by Royane Real

Author of     “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”

If you are one of those people who is able to make friends easily, you probably never think about the many steps involved in turning strangers into friends.  For you, making new friends comes as natural as breathing. 

But what if you find making friends to be a mysterious and difficult process?  What if you have almost no friends whatsoever?  What if you are one of those people who looks around and wonders what you are doing wrong when it comes to making friends, or getting other people to like you?

If you are finding it hard to make friends, there could be many possible reasons that you are having difficulties. 

If you find making friends to be very difficult, you should try to figure out why.  Is it because you lack some basic social skills, such as the ability to make pleasant conversation with others?  Are you nice to other people, do you genuinely like them?  Do you genuinely like yourself? 

All these factors have an effect on your friendship making ability.

Often, one of the easiest areas to improve is one’s conversational ability.  People who are socially successfully find it very easy to start up a conversation and to keep it flowing.  It doesn’t seem to matter whether they are talking with someone they’ve known for a lifetime, or if it’s someone they’ve just met.

How do they do this?  One reason is that they have a genuine curiosity about the other person they’re with.  They want to find out what makes that person tick, so they ask a lot of questions.  Questions in fact are one important secret of keeping a conversation going. 

If you’ve ever been involved in a conversation that went nowhere, you might realize after the fact that the reason why the conversation fizzled was because nobody was asking questions.

Questions show that you’re curious, and they show that you want to keep the conversation moving. 

The following article by Elaine Sihera discusses the use of questions as one of the most key ingredients in making conversation.

Of course, if you ask questions during a conversation, you have to be willing to really listen to the response.  Otherwise, all your questions will be a waste of time! 

( The introductory comments which appear above are by Royane Real )

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Learn to Be Popular - even if You're Shy and Lonely!

By Royane Real

Do you ever with you had a better social life?  Are you tired of being lonely?  Perhaps you suffer from shyness and you wish you could learn how to be outgoing and popular.

My popular book “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”  will teach you everything you need to know about how to make friends.  Where to find them.  How to start up conversations with people you don't know very well.  How to get over your shyness.

You'll learn how to keep a conversation going.  You'll find out what to do to keep a friendship strong and make it last.  

Isn't it time to stop being on the outside looking in?  Now is the time and here is your opportunity to change your life from one of being lonely to one of being popular. 

Testimonial from a happy reader :

"Some other authors will charge you way more for self help programs that won't be written as good as this one, but this one is packed with information and is worth every penny." Testimonial by Niko Sekuloski, Detroit

Learn more about this exciting book that can change your life forever  “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends” at  http://www.lulu.com/real     

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Make Yourself Unforgettable

Become the kind of person EVERYONE remembers and NO ONE can resist!

By Dale Carnegie Training

You’ll find that people in every area of your life — from work to home and everywhere in between — respond to you more positively and generously than they ever have before! 

Discover more information at this link:                                                           http://nightingale.directtrack.com/z/10542/CD1323/ 

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Feature article

The Most Crucial Ingredient of a Good Conversation

By Elaine Sihera

Often we meet someone who seems really exciting. We begin to chat to them, we take an interest in them, but, somehow, everything falls flat as we slowly realize that we are really getting nowhere fast, despite the best intentions on both sides. The big problem is likely to be the actual conversation.

You might be genuinely interested and show that interest. But if you ask someone a question about themselves, and they reply by going on and on, perhaps because they are not in interested in you, they are nervous or they just want to talk about themselves, that will be a very boring conversation.

Research has shown that the average person has an attention span of just 90 seconds, before they start to drift. It is longer when they are really stimulated by the subject matter.

What many people do not realize is that it does not take a great deal of skill to have really interesting conversations and make some useful connections at the same time. In fact, all it takes to connect meaningfully when we meet a stranger is the ability to ask varying questions.

Using questions liberally in a conversation ensures that you have the attention of your listener and you will keep that attention, especially if the question is relevant to their achievements and aspirations, if it is not too open-ended and is not too negative.

So long as you ask a question, you will encourage a response and, if they ask you a question in return, you have the foundations for rapidly finding out about each other in the most satisfying way possible: through mutual admiration.

Keeping the ball in play

Questions in a conversation are like a tennis game. You pass the ball (question) to your party and they pass it briskly back in the form of a response. Then you return it equally quickly to keep the game in play.

Where one person hangs on to that ball (ask no questions), or play it unfairly (just making statements and talking forever), that's a very boring game.  Not much enjoyment will come from it because there is little opportunity to play and exhibit your skill (give information or react to what you hear).

Questions lie at the heart of any dialogue. If you have wondered why you didn't make an impression on that guy or gal you were hoping to nab, or why conversations seem to go flat when you participate, it could be because your nervousness caused you to ramble on about yourself, to become tongue-tied or to miss a golden opportunity to ask a key question about your party.

Next time you meet someone new, unless questions form an integral part of that conversation you are hoping to have, it is going to be a very boring time for at least one of you!  Work out simple but interesting questions beforehand, particularly around the other person's work and leisure, and, in no time, you will seem such an expert at how to engage your friends and dates in the most enjoyable ways, you will be fighting off all the attention you are likely to have!

Article source:  http://www.ladywriter.net

How confident are you ?

•  Try our  CONFIDENCE QUIZ to test how you feel about yourself just now. Low confidence and self-esteem rob you of achievements and success. See if you're being affected by it.

ELAINE SIHERA (http://www.myspace.com/elaineone) is an expert author, public speaker, media contributor and lifestyle columnist. The first Black graduate of the OU and a post-graduate of Cambridge University .

Elaine is a Personal Empowerment and Relationships Consultant. Confidential advice is available on the quiz site. Author of: 10 Easy Steps to Growing Older Disgracefully; 10 Easy Steps to Finding Your Ideal Soulmate!; Money, Sex & Compromise, among others (available on http://www.amazon.co.uk  as well as her personal website). She describes herself as, “Fit, Fabulous, Over-fifty and Ready to Fly!" 

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