By Royane Real

Author of  “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”

How do you know when it’s time to let go of a friend?

As much as we would like to have good close friendships with people who will stay with us a lifetime, the reality is that many relationships and friendships don’t last forever. Most friendships between people will last a few years, and then the people involved will drift apart, and move on to form other relationships.

Friendships can end for a number of reasons. Sometimes the relationship will end because the other person no longer wants to be our friend.  Sometimes we are the one who decides to leave the relationship because the friendship is no longer satisfying.

Here are some common reasons why you may decide to end a friendship:

- You have become bored with the other person.

- You are often annoyed or irritated with the other person.

- You no longer share common values.

- You no longer share common interests.

- You no longer feel that you can trust the other person.

- The other person does not seem to really appreciate you.

- The other person frequently puts you down or abuses you.

- The other person has betrayed you deeply.

- The other person has betrayed you in small ways, but on numerous occasions.

You can see that some of these reasons for ending a friendship are very minor and trivial, while some of these reasons for calling it quits with a friend are very significant.

When you are in a relationship with a person who is your friend, things will not always run smoothly.  There will be times when you make a mistake.  And there will be times when the other person makes a mistake.

If your relationship with a friend has hit a rough patch, you may be wondering whether or not it’s worth trying to hang on to the friendship.  Or is it time to simply walk away from the relationship?

When you are trying to decide whether or not you should break off a relationship with a particular friend, here are some questions to ask yourself:

Do you look forward to spending time with your friend?  Or does it feel like one more obligation, something you have to do but you don’t really look forward to?

Is there some tension between you?  If so, what is the reason? Is it something you can talk about and fix? Do you feel tense and unhappy when you spend time with your friend?

Is making conversation with your friend more of a chore than a pleasure? Perhaps you have simply drifted apart from your former friend and you no longer have anything in common.

Perhaps the problems between you and your friend are deeper and more serious.

Have you changed, or has your friend changed in recent months?  Perhaps the two of you no longer share the same values.

For example, perhaps your friend has been taking illegal drugs and this lifestyle is not something that you approve of.  Or it’s possible that either you or your friend have changed political beliefs or religious beliefs in a significant way.

Is there something about the relationship itself that bothers you?  Perhaps your friend doesn’t treat you very well, but you don’t know how to go about fixing the situation.

For example, perhaps your friend likes to tell off-color jokes that you don’t enjoy, or perhaps your friend is always putting you down in a sarcastic way. Maybe your friend flies off the handle over the slightest incident. Or perhaps your friend is always trying to control your life too much, constantly telling you what to do.

Or perhaps you have a friend who is always complaining and you’re tired of listening to them.

All of these can be reasons why you might feel like you no longer want to be in a relationship with this person. 

If the relationship between you and your friend was never very deep, then in many cases you may decide simply to withdraw from the friendship without having a big “heart-to-heart” talk.  It’s just time to move on and look for someone else who fits into your life in a better way.

However, if the friendship was a deep and longstanding one, then you owe it to your friend and to yourself to have a serious discussion about the problems between you.  You may find that such a cleansing discussion will clear the air and at least offer your long time friend a chance to change their behavior.

It’s even possible that by having a frank discussion with your friend about the problems in the relationship, that the friendship can be saved.

( The article above is by Royane Real )

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