Royane Real
An Introverts Guide to Party Going
Introductory comments by Royane Real
Author of “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”
Not every person is born to be “the life of the party”. Some of us have trouble being sociable at parties or in other social groups, for a variety of reasons.
We may get tongue tied and awkward at parties because we are shy. Or we may be very quiet at parties because we don’t have good social skills. Or we may be quiet at parties because we are introverts.
Now, being introverted is not the same thing as being shy. And being introverted doesn’t mean that you have no self esteem or that you lack social skills. But, if you are quiet at a party and hardly talk to anybody, chances are that other people will label you as having all those characteristics.
When people see you sitting quietly at a party where everyone else is chatting and laughing, they are likely to decide that you are introverted, shy, lacking in social skills and lacking in self confidence.
If you don’t want to be judged and labeled because of your quiet behavior, you can learn to adopt at least a few of the social tricks that will help you to blend in better in a social situation. That doesn’t mean that you have to be untrue to your innermost self. It just means that you can choose to add a few more techniques to your social repertoire.
The following article by introvert author and life coach Lee Ann Lambert offers some good suggestions that you can use if you are at a party and you want to appear more outgoing than you usually are. As Ms. Lambert writes, when you are at a party you are “on extrovert turf”.
You can use the good advice that Ms. Lambert provides even if you also happen to be shy, or if you happen to have some social skills that could use a bit of improvement.
Most of us don’t have to attend parties often, but being skilled at speaking party banter can help us to make connections with people who could later become our friends. Being socially successful and outgoing in party situations can also help us to succeed in our careers.
You may discover as I did, that it’s easier to think of things to say to party guests when you are actually the host of the party. Being the host gives you a role and can make it easier for you to find things to say to every person who arrives. Plus, you’ll be so busy with your various hosting duties that you won’t have time to worry about your performance too much.
I’m sure that you will find much useful information in this article that can help you to become more successful socially at parties, whether you are quiet because you are introverted, or quiet because you are shy.
( The introductory comments which appear above are by Royane Real )
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Feature article:
An Introverts Guide to Party Going
Introverts often have a hard time with parties and other large group events because they simply don't enjoy a lot of heavy socializing.
Peace and quiet, and the company of a few close friends or family is generally preferred over large, sometimes loud groups of people we don't know well or at all. So when party time comes, those of us who are introverted find ourselves wanting to barricade ourselves away from all the excitement. That's not always possible, nor is it necessary as we do need to see and be seen in order to function in society.
Here are some tips for not only surviving a party, but enjoying yourself at the same time:
- Before heading to the big event, prepare yourself mentally. Introverts aren't necessarily shy and don't lack confidence. But we can be mistaken for being shy, aloof, self-absorbed, haughty, etc, because we tend to stand back and when we do say something it may come out rather pointedly. Just remember, even though there is absolutely nothing wrong with being introverted, around 75% of the population is more extroverted and most extroverts haven't a clue how to take an introvert.
When we're in social situations, we’re on extrovert turf. Know how to play the game.
This means reminding yourself that even though this isn't your cup of tea, you can certainly handle a couple hours of faking it.
- Upon arrival, the very first thing you should do is say hello to the party host(s). You don't have to spend a lot of time with them, just offer a smile, shake hands and say something like “Hello, I'm so glad you invited me", or “Good to see you. What a great house". After that you can excuse yourself by saying “Oh, I think I left my phone in my coat pocket, I better go check" or something equally innocuous.
- Next, make the rounds quickly. Offer a sincere and pleasant greeting to those you walk past, stopping for quick small talk session if necessary.
- Take breaks. You can always wander off to a quiet corner or outside for a couple of minutes just to catch your breath.
- Be prepared to join a conversation or two even if for only a couple minutes. Small talk can cause an introvert all sorts of reluctance, because it just doesn't make sense to stand around talking about the weather or your dog. But, chatting is part of the ritual.
Before you leave for the party, read up on the latest events, sports and happenings.
Don't worry about being an expert in every subject. If you are somehow pulled into a conversation, don't feel pressured to do anything but listen intently, smile, make eye-contact and offer a thought if you feel you want to. When it's time to move on, just comment on how nice it's been chatting, but that you need to call home to check on the kids or something similar.
- Don't get tipsy. Having one too many glasses of wine will make an introvert more social, but this is not a good idea. Better to be sober and not say much, than drunk and say something that you'll regret.
- Dress well, and make sure you are well-groomed. Everyone feels better about whatever situation they are in if they feel they look good.
- Sit on the side-lines and watch people (look interested, not bored, lonely or frustrated).
It's OK to take a seat for a while and watch the show. You will notice other introverts doing this too. You may even want to approach a fellow introvert and ask to join them.
This usually results in a nice quiet side-line sit that doesn't make you look like a lonely wall-flower that needs to be entertained by a well-meaning extrovert.
- Leave as soon as you have greeted, mini-chatted, and been there long enough for people to know you were there and enjoyed yourself. If you greeted your host at the beginning, and thanked them for the invitation, you are not obligated to say good-bye unless you feel the need.
If you've come to the party with an extroverted partner, make sure that you've come to an agreement about how long to stay before you are even on your way to the party. This will help avoid trouble.
- Don't let others pressure you. If you are sitting quietly, others may assume you're not having a good time and may try to pull you into conversations or (heaven forbid) some sort of game.
If you don't want to join in, smile and firmly say “Thanks, but I'm having a great time relaxing here and taking this great party in". The goal is to remain friendly, without being put on the spot.
- Finally, if you find yourself having a good time socializing, go with it. Once in a while, we introverts do find ourselves happily joining in. When it happens, just enjoy it. You can marvel at your social skills the next day while recovering.
Lee Ann Lambert is a Certified Holistic Life Coach, reiki practitioner, garden designer, artist, author, mom and grandmom among many other things. She resides in Michigan.
For more information check out her website: http://www.leeannlambert.com . All works Copyright 2007 by Lee Ann Lambert
All works Copyright 2007 by Lee Ann Lambert
Article source: http://www.ladywriter.net
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