Royane Real
Faking Extroversion - A Primer for Introverts
Introductory comments by Royane Real
Author of “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends”
You’ve probably heard the terms “introvert” and “extrovert” a few times. Most people believe that the word “introvert” means someone who is very shy. And they assume that the word “extrovert” means someone who is not shy.
However, strictly speaking, these terms are often used incorrectly. Being introverted does not mean that a person is necessarily shy. The term “introverted” also does not mean that a person has no self confidence or that they lack self esteem.
Yet people often use the term “introverted” when they are talking about somebody who is extremely quiet and shy or who seems to lack self esteem.
The truth is that people can be very quiet for reasons other than shyness. And being quiet does not mean that a person lacks self esteem.
Introversion and extroversion are terms that are used to describe normal human character traits. Extroverts are people who are energized by social contact with others. Introverts are more likely to become exhausted and overwhelmed by a lot of social contact, and are very happy to spend time alone. Introverts often prefer to be alone because they have a very rich inner life. That doesn’t mean that introverts don’t like other people. Introverts enjoy the company of others, but they prefer to socialize quietly with a few, well chosen friends.
In some societies, being introverted is considered a very good quality to have. For example, in many oriental countries, introverts are valued for their quietness and introspection.
In many Western societies however, extroversion is often more valued by society. If a person is too quiet and seems to prefer their own company over the company of others, many people will assume that there is something psychologically wrong with the person who is so quiet.
Are you an extrovert or an introvert? It’s quite likely that you are not completely extroverted or totally introverted. In some situations you may become very socially outgoing, and at times you may prefer to be by yourself.
If you happen to be very introverted, it does not mean that there is necessarily anything wrong with you. Being introverted does not mean that you are “anti-social” or that you won’t have any friends.
In the following article by author and introvert Lee Ann Lambert, you can learn some ways to successfully use extrovert behavior even if you are usually more introverted in your personality.
( The introductory comments which appear above are by Royane Real. )
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Feature article:
Faking Extroversion - A Primer for Introverts
Most introverts I know have plenty of self-confidence. But because we are a quiet bunch, we’re often mistaken for being shy or lacking in confidence. Our nature is introspective and quiet, we take time to think before speaking, and we like to watch what’s going on before deciding to join in.
Sometimes, we find ourselves in situations that are geared towards extroversion. Parties, business meetings, even the church picnic. During these times, it can be of benefit to know some extroverted “moves”.
The simple reason for this is that the world is more extroverted than introverted and as unfair as that is, we sometimes need to put our foot over the line a bit. This is necessary and useful simply because we need to be visible just as much as anyone in order to move forward socially and in business.
Here are a few tips for learning to fake extroversion for those moments when you sense that it may be useful:
Forget that many of the small talk conversations you enter into are just that – small talk and chitchat about things that seem inconsequential. Smile and join in. You don’t have to be the center of attention, but use good eye contact, a big friendly smile and throw in your comments.
Move around the room, make eye contact and offer a strong handshake. Remember, extroverts operate on the assumption that people automatically like them, have things in common with them and are like them.
So when you are meeting someone new or greeting someone you already know, they automatically want to have positive feelings about you. When you look them in the eye, smile warmly and greet them, they will remember you in a positive way.
Don’t try to fake extroversion to the point that you are wondering to yourself “Am I making myself look like an idiot?”
When you start feeling uncomfortable beyond just the discomfort of coming a little out of your shell, it might be time to back off a little and take a breather in the hall or outside.
When making conversation, use the name of the person you are speaking with and ask them questions about themselves, their job, and their interests. This makes them feel that you are taking an interest in them (and of course, you truly are), and also takes the heat off of you, the introvert who is probably very guarded when it comes to talking about yourself.
However, be willing to share some information about yourself. That takes the edge off your mysteriousness – introverts are often considered mysterious and therefore thought to be hiding something.
Remember that there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. I am rather proud of my introversion because it sets me apart from the majority. But there are challenges that come with my personality. One of them is that I do find myself needing to play extrovert for a bit here and there. When I’m done, I promptly head back into my shell for some well-deserved calm and quiet.
Lee Ann Lambert is a Certified Holistic Life Coach, reiki practitioner, garden designer, artist, author, mom and grandmom among many other things. She resides in Michigan.
For more information check out her website: http://www.leeannlambert.com
All works Copyright 2007 by Lee Ann Lambert
Article source: http://www.ladywriter.net
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