Royane Real
Who Do You Hurt When You Gossip?
By Royane Real
Author of “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”
Do you like to gossip? Many of us do, even though you know that gossip can be dangerous and harmful.
If you like to gossip, you have probably noticed that gossip is an addictive activity. Whether our gossip is malicious or harmless, it seems like so much fun. We sneak around with a secret and we create a bond with other people when we share some juicy gossip with them. We meet in dark corners to exchange secrets and laugh.
Sometimes we are filled with shame and disgust with ourselves after we share gossip that was very cruel, or when we know that we weren’t really supposed to tell anybody this particular information.
Gossiping about other people can make us feel like we are part of a special little club that knows a secret.
Of course we all know that there is a downside to gossip. Gossip may be juicy and exciting, but it’s not necessarily true. The fact that the gossip may be made up or exaggerated doesn’t stop people from repeating and embellishing it. People’s reputations and careers can be destroyed by gossip that is particularly bad. Relationships can end.
There is always a thrill of danger in repeating gossip because you might get caught. You feel like part of a conspiracy. Perhaps that’s part of what makes gossip so exciting.
Does gossip have a place in a friendship? Ask yourself this question: how would you feel if you found out a close friend was spreading gossip about you?
The power of gossip depends on secrecy, but sometimes those secrets get out. If you’re gossiping about one of your other friends, sooner or later, that bit of gossip is likely to make its way back to the person that you’re gossiping about. Could you stand up to the scrutiny if your part in the gossip was made known?
When we indulge in gossip we are actually hurting ourselves at a very deep level. By gossiping, we keep our focus in the wrong place.
When we gossip about others, we are trying to keep people from noticing our own shortcomings. We are trying to distract ourselves from noticing our shortcomings as well.
Often, we feel the need to gossip because we are actually resentful of the person we are gossiping about. When we spread stories about them, we feel as if we are justified. But we forget to look at the deeper issue: what is the real cause of our resentment? How can we let go of that resentment?
Trying to secretly destroy another person’s reputation by repeating stories about them keeps us from noticing the issue at hand. There is something going on within our selves that we are unhappy about and that needs to be changed.
By focussing on gossip, we miss a chance to do some important soul searching.
( The above comments are written by Royane Real, author of “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends” Learn more about making friends and keeping friends. Download it at http://www.lulu.com/real )
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