By: Rick Cowles

Introductory comments b Royane Real

Author of “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends

Many people today have a problem with being lonely.  However, they are so busy trying to survive that they don’t take the time to admit even to themselves that they are lonely..Many of us don’t have a lot of time and energy left over from our very stressful lives to try to overcome their loneliness by spending a lot of time with other people.  But trying to pretend to yourself that you’re not really bothered by your aloneness isn’t going to work.

Besides the fact that loneliness doesn’t feel good, being alone and socially isolated is bad for your health.  Many research studies have shown that people who have good friends and good relationships are much happier and healthier than people who are isolated and lonely.

If you don’t feel good within yourself, then no amount of approval from outside sources is going to make you feel better.  You may need to work on your inside self as well as working on the way that you interact with the rest of the world.   

If your parents were very dysfunctional or abusive, you may have grown up never learning how to make friends with other people.  You probably don’t even like yourself.  Instead, you will constantly attack yourself as if you were your own worst enemy.

 If you believe you aren’t worth much, you will attract other people who also believe that you aren’t worth much. When you don’t have good self esteem, you may choose friends and lovers who hurt you and exploit you instead of making you feel better.  If you don’t believe you are a worthwhile person, then you will seek to get approval from others by becoming a doormat. 

That is why it’s best to work on your inner sense of self worth as well as your outer social life whenever you want to overcome your loneliness.  In addition, many lonely people find that a spiritual connection helps them to feel less isolated and gives them a sense of meaning and purpose in their life.

In the following article, the author Rick Cowles points out several of the false ways that people try to overcome their inner feelings of being lonely.  These false methods of dealing with loneliness include working too hard and becoming involved in relationships that are very destructive in the end.

( These introductory comments above were written by Royane Real )

Learn to Be Popular - even if You're Shy and Lonely!

By Royane Real

Do you ever with you had a better social life?  Are you tired of being lonely?  Perhaps you suffer from shyness and you wish you could learn how to be outgoing and popular.

My popular book “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”  will teach you everything you need to know about how to make friends.  Where to find them.  How to start up conversations with people you don't know very well.  How to get over your shyness.

You'll learn how to keep a conversation going.  You'll find out what to do to keep a friendship strong and make it last.  

Isn't it time to stop being on the outside looking in?  Now is the time and here is your opportunity to change your life from one of being lonely to one of being popular. 

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Learn more about this exciting book that can change your life forever  “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends” at  http://www.lulu.com/real     

Feature article:

Overcoming Loneliness - 5 Common Mistakes Lonely People Make

By: Rick Cowles

Loneliness is a feeling which many people would not like to endure. In order to overcome loneliness, people tend to do anything they can to fill this emptiness in their lives. And sometimes when loneliness becomes so unbearable, they are prone to make certain mistakes out of their conscience that will only worsen their loneliness.

Check out these 5 common mistakes that people often make when trying to overcome their loneliness, and try to avoid them in your own quest to conquer loneliness.

1. Too Obsessed With Work

One common method many people used to overcome their loneliness is by burying themselves with a huge pile of work. The whole idea is to keep their mind busy so that they will not focus on their loneliness. This may help ease loneliness for a while, but it will not relieve loneliness permanently.

Working, in this case is just a coping mechanism to keep the person's mind off a reality he does not want to face at the moment. But if excessive work continues for months, it becomes part of the problem rather than part of the solution. Work is not a permanent relief from loneliness.

2. Too Easily Succumbed to Unrealistic Relationship

When a person is lonely, he/she is more likely to give in to a relationship which they already knew it probably wouldn't last. They know that this person is either already married, engaged, seeing someone or just plainly doesn't fit into the profile of an ideal mate.

But they still continue with the relationship because even though they knew the relationship may be unrealistic, to them it is better than having to suffer loneliness. Their hearts were yearning for romance and companionship so bad that they start to ignore their conscience and principles. And when the reality finally sank in, when the relationship starts to go sour and comes to an end, the loneliness feeling resurface again.

3. Craving for Popularity

It is common for lonely persons to think that a possible antidote to their loneliness is to achieve a state of greater popularity. The fantasy is that the recognition and admiration and applause of many people will make one feel secure, accepted - even loved. That fantasy is bankrupt.

Many politicians and movie stars still feel lonely although they are recognized and admired by many. This is because in order to be popular among a fairly large group of people, you have to spread yourself thin. The larger the group, the more you are required to have superficial contacts with a lot of people. These contacts are not meaningful in themselves, their only purpose is to feed the craving for popularity.

4. Engage in Unhealthy Activities

Loneliness can easily lead to all kinds of unhealthy activities when left unchecked.

Drugs, alcohol, premarital or extramarital sex can free us from loneliness for a time, but when the effect of drugs and alcohol starts to wear off, or when the excitement of sex beyond marriage starts to fade, the feeling of loneliness returns, often with even more intensity.

Gambling, like drugs, can relieve loneliness for a short period of time, but when gambling becomes an unbeatable habit, it too can leads to all kinds of social problems.

5. Choosing the Wrong Group of Friends

Friends are important to help us overcome our loneliness. Friends or any social group functions much like a family. If you identify with a group that are generally accepted by society, you will have no problems acquiring a sense of belongingness that can relieve your loneliness.  

If you identify with a gang, a cult or a group that is at odds with the general society, you will overcome loneliness to some extent, but when the deviant group runs into a harsh clash with the general society, as it often does, you will find you lives going down together with the group. You have no one supportive that you can rely on. So pick your group of friends carefully. As a rule of thumb, make sure they fit into the general society in some meaningful way.

Information about the Author:  Rick Cowles is a Personal Life Coach who has more than 5 years of counseling experience. He is also the author of the ebook "How To Break Your Loneliness" - based on his experience helping people who are suffering from loneliness and depression. Visit his website at www.BreakLoneliness.com  for more information on how to download a copy of his latest ebook.

Article source: http://www.article-buzz.com  

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