By: Peter Murphy

Introductory comments by Royane Real

Do you suffer from shyness?  If you are quite shy, or very shy, you probably wonder where your shyness came from. 

Were you born shy?  Is shyness genetic?  Does being shy mean that you are somehow inferior to other people?  If you’re shy, should you just force yourself to get over it?  If you are very shy, does that mean you have to be lonely forever?  These are some of the questions that shy people often wrestle with.

If you are a shy person, you probably watch those people around you who seem to have no trouble making friends and you wonder how they do it.  What is their secret of being outgoing and popular?  And why is it so hard for some shy people to make friends?

You may be surprised to learn that shyness is actually extremely common.  Almost everybody feels shy at times.  Still, most people do not have an extreme case of shyness.  They may have a mild degree of shyness that happens in some social situations but not in others.  

People who have a mild degree of shyness are often able to cover up their shyness.  Their shyness does not create a big problem for them. If your shyness is not very severe, you too may be able to act as if you are very outgoing.

However, if you are severely shy, it means that your entire nervous system seems to be in a permanently alert state.  Any new situation where you fear you may be judged can cause you acute anxiety.  

A shy person who feels very lonely often does not know how to break out of this prison of shyness.

Fortunately, there is help for shyness, even when it is quite severe.  

In some cases, certain medications have been found to help reduce extreme social anxiety.  Cognitive therapy and behavioral therapy can also help shy people overcome the thinking habits that keep them overwhelmed by shyness.  Books that offer information on how to make friends can help shy people get over their loneliness and create a satisfying social life.

The following article by Peter Murphy discusses some of the ways that shyness can originate and how it negatively affects the person who is experiencing shyness.

( The introductory comments above are written by Royane Real )

Learn to Be Popular - even if You're Shy and Lonely!

By Royane Real

Do you ever with you had a better social life?  Are you tired of being lonely?  Perhaps you suffer from shyness and you wish you could learn how to be outgoing and popular.

My popular book “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”  will teach you everything you need to know about how to make friends.  Where to find them.  How to start up conversations with people you don't know very well.  How to get over your shyness.

You'll learn how to keep a conversation going.  You'll find out what to do to keep a friendship strong and make it last.  

Isn't it time to stop being on the outside looking in?  Now is the time and here is your opportunity to change your life from one of being lonely to one of being popular. 

Testimonial from a happy reader :

"Some other authors will charge you way more for self help programs that won't be written as good as this one, but this one is packed with information and is worth every penny." Testimonial by Niko Sekuloski, Detroit

Learn more about this exciting book that can change your life forever  “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends” at  http://www.lulu.com/real     

Feature article:

Understanding the True Nature of Shyness

By: Peter Murphy

Do you consider yourself a shy adult? Join the club - according to Bernardo J. Carducci, Ph.D., 40% to 45% of all adults think they are shy. The problem of shyness, thus, may be more prevalent than many people think.

Cause of shyness:

Why are some people shy while others seem more confident?

People are shy because they are quite preoccupied with what they are feeling and thinking, and how their body reacts when they are exposed to certain social situations.

Many times, the shy person may perceive that he is being unfairly treated even when other people are not making fun of him - this is because of his shyness. The shy person may then avoid the people or the situation that caused him to feel bad.

For example, if he associates colleagues who gather at the water cooler and who start laughing with a negative thought (such as: they are laughing at me), he will probably avoid going to the water cooler or even stop talking to his co-workers altogether. It does not matter if the thought is based on reality or not: the point is, the person thinks this and obsesses about it, thus making his mild shyness much worse.

Effects of shyness:

A shy adult will have a hard time progressing in the adult world where he is expected to work independently.

Such a person may find it difficult to talk to clients about projects assigned to him. Or he may dither about approaching a superior for a well-deserved raise. So, we can see that shyness may bar a person from progressing in his occupation. He may brood about this and become depressed. So he winds up with two problems: shyness and depression.

Shyness can also affect the interpersonal relationships a shy person has (or does not have) with others. Colleagues may think he is weird because he does not join in normal everyday conversations. He may find even a simple greeting with a woman he likes to be a hardship, so he becomes lonely.

Even simple chores like going to the Laundromat or the grocery store could be avoided because he does not want to talk to other people. His relationship with his own relatives might suffer because he does not feel confident even with them. So family and friends may not understand why he avoids them - such is the impact of shyness on relationships.

When does shyness crop up?

Carducci believes that shyness generally manifests itself when the shy person is going through a period of change.

A person may become shy when his marriage ends, or he gets laid off from his job, or he relocates to a new neighborhood. More severe causes of shyness could be the death of a loved one, or a tragedy such as when his childhood home burns down. The point is, the change is pretty drastic so the person resorts to withdrawal to protect himself.

Shyness is often a coping mechanism that adults resort to, to prevent being hurt again.

Article Source: http://www.articletap.com

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available only at: conversation starters   

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