By Royane Real

Have you ever noticed that the types of friendships men form with each other tend to be quite different from friendships that women like to have with each other? 

Women’s friendships often involve a great deal of talking about their relationships and emotions.  For many women, their relationships are the central point of their lives.  Women have a great need for feeling connected emotionally to the people who make up their families and friendship networks.  

Men’s friendships with other men tend to be quite different.  Men’s talk with other men tends to focus more on external factors and not on their emotional life. 

Men would often rather discuss such topics with each other as sports, business, politics, video games, or their hobbies.  Most men are not going to spend much time discussing their feelings with other men.  In fact, men would usually be quite embarrassed to do so.  Men are more likely to be very competitive with each other in their friendships with other men, even when they are very good friends.  

Does this mean that one of these ways of friendship is right and one is wrong?  Does it mean that women focus too much on discussing their emotions and their relationships?  Does it mean that men are not emotional enough? 

Not necessarily.  After all, who is to say what is right or what is better?  It depends on your point of view.  

Why is there often such a big difference in the types of friendships that men have, and the types of friendships that women have?  There are probably several reasons why this happens.  Some of the reasons are biological and some are social.

You’ve probably already noticed that men and women are different from each other in a lot of ways, not just in the ways that they form friendships.  

One of the main reasons why men and women sometimes behave differently is that their brains are somewhat different from each other in a few crucial areas. 

In women’s brains, there is a very thick bridge of nerve fibers connecting the two halves of the brain.  Some researchers speculate that this makes it easier for information to flow between the two major hemispheres of the brain in women.  This strong bridge between the left brain and the right brain in women may help them be more aware of what emotions they are feeling.  In men's brains, this bridge between the two brain hemispheres is more narrow.

Women’s brains also seem to be chemically a bit different from the brains of men.  It’s well known that an ever-changing surge of hormones in women of child bearing years can make women’s emotions seem different from day to day.  Some of these chemicals that are found in greater abundance in women’s brains may contribute to the feeling many women have that their relationships are the most important things in their lives. 

Women's brain chemistry may also fluctuate in response to monthly hormone cycles.

Besides differences in brain chemistry, the way that society expects men and women to behave also has a big impact on their behavior. 

Although many women claim they want their male partners to be sensitive, caring, and in touch with their emotions, they might feel alarmed if they saw their male partners talking to their male friends about anything other than sports, tools or video games. 

Society seems to expect men in our culture to talk this way and if they step out of bounds, those men may be criticized for being “unmanly”.  People might feel equally uneasy if they see women talking a lot about sports and tools with their female friends.

It’s hard to sort out completely how much of the differences in men’s friendships and women’s friendships is due to the differences in the way their brains are wired.  It’s hard to know how much of the difference is caused by our upbringing and by the social expectations we have about how men and women should behave.

Should men try to have the same types of close friendships with other men as what women do?  Should women be trying to be less emotional? 

Perhaps men and women could learn from each other.  It is quite possible in some cultures, perhaps men are required to repress their emotional side too much.  They might get a lot of benefit from placing a higher importance on having a good network of friends. 

Whether you are a man or a woman, you can still find that spending time with your closest friends, whether those friends are male or female, can be one of the highlights of your life.

This article was written by friendship expert Royane Real, author of the popular book Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends 

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