By Royane Real

Many lonely people who don’t have a very active social life, don’t realize that they can actually create a better social life for themselves.  Instead of staying home and feeling lonely, they could be inviting other people to join them for some activity, thereby creating a social life for themselves and others.  In the process, they could be creating new friendships.

Instead, many lonely people think that they have to wait passively and wait until somebody else calls them to do something.  Often, this call never comes. By waiting and waiting for someone else to call them, these lonely people miss out on the chance to make new friends and participate in activities they enjoy. 

When you are faced with the prospect of yet another weekend alone, why not take the initiative to call someone you know and suggest a fun activity such as having coffee, or attending a movie?

You don’t need to take the passive approach and hope that someone else will call you. If you spend your whole life waiting for the phone to ring, hoping that someone will call and invite you to go on an outing, you are giving up control of your social life to everyone else.

When you are thinking of what activity you could ask someone to share with you, make sure that it’s an activity that both you and the other person would enjoy.

If you know someone who likes movies, it’s a good idea to ask them to go to a movie with you.  If you know someone who enjoys walking or cycling, suggest an afternoon walking or cycling through the park.  By asking them to do something specific that you know they enjoy, you increase the chances that they will say yes.

Whatever you choose as an activity, it doesn’t have to be expensive and it doesn’t have to be grand.

If it’s an activity that costs money, decide in advance whether or not you want to pay the expenses for the other person, or if each of you will pay your own way.  Make sure the other person is aware of who is paying for what, so there are no misunderstandings over money.

How soon in advance should you call?  Many people are very busy these days, while some are not busy at all.  It’s best if you have some idea of whether the other person actually has time to meet with you.  Otherwise, if they turn you down, it may be because they simply have too many activities on their schedule already.

A person who lives a very free, unscheduled life may enjoy getting a call from you asking if they can meet you for coffee half an hour from now.  A person who is very busy may need to check their schedule in order to find a one hour space to meet you two weeks from now.

There are several reasons why lonely people don’t call others to set up appointments for social get-togethers.   One reason is that they simply never think of it.  It never occurs to them to call others because they are so used to being socially passive, and simply waiting for others to do all the work of organizing social activities.

The other reason is that many lonely people fear being rejected by others if they make a social request.  They fear they will be rejected or humiliated, and they tell themselves that it’s better to continue to be lonely than to take a chance and get rejected.

If you are socially passive and never ask others to join you in a social activity, you can change this behavior.  In fact, it’s a good idea to change this behavior and to start asking others to join you.  By asking others to join you, you will take charge of your social life.  You can make new friends, and get closer to the acquaintances you already have. You don’t need to be a passive person waiting by the phone just in case anyone remembers that you exist. 

Asking others to join you for a bit of social activity may take a bit of courage in the beginning, but you will find it easier and easier to do the more often you try it.  The more often you do it, the easier it will get.

This article is written by friendship expert Royane Real. 

Author of  “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends”

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