By Royane Real

Do you like to gossip?  For most of us, gossip is a fun activity we enjoy with our friends.  We get together and talk about some of our other friends and acquaintances.  We might be discussing our other friend’s wardrobe choices, or we might be criticizing the person they’re dating.  Some of our gossip is fairly harmless, and sometimes our gossip is pretty vicious and cruel.   

Sometimes we have so much fun gossiping that we forget that gossip can be very harmful to the people we are gossiping about.

If our friends find out that we have been gossiping about them, we can often kiss that friendship goodbye.  If we discover that our friends have been gossiping about us behind our back, we will feel deeply betrayed.  Gossip and friendship can be a dangerous mixture. 

Gossip comes in many shapes and forms.  Some gossip is relatively harmless, some of it is funny, and some of it is vicious.  Gossip can destroy lives and reputations, ruining families and sometimes destroying careers. 

Some gossip is based somewhat on facts, some gossip is exaggerated, and some gossip is totally based on made up lies.

Although some gossip is harmless, some is very cruel.  Gossip is rarely good.  In fact, most gossip is quite negative. 

Some of us out grow the desire to gossip as we grow up and realize the harm that it does.

Some of us never outgrow the desire to gossip, and we don’t really care whether what we are hearing is true or not, as long as the stories are really juicy and exciting.  Many people are willing to pass along the stories they have heard, whether they are true or not, as long as the gossip is exciting. 

Gossiping about other people is an activity that is probably as old as the human race, and it will probably never go away.  That doesn’t mean we should do it.

Why do people gossip?  There are several reasons why people like to gossip. 

One reason that some people gossip is because they lead fairly boring lives.  Talking about somebody else’s troubles or affairs seems like fun at the time.  It doesn’t even matter whether the stories are true, as long as they’re exciting.

Another reason that some people gossip is because they feel so badly about themselves and their own lives.  The only way they know to feel better is to put somebody else down instead.  They look for cruel things to say about another person and they don’t much care whether those things they say are true or not. 

A third reason that some people gossip is because it’s exciting to feel like they know a secret.  It feels exciting to pass around secret information.  People get to have the feeling that they are part of a secret, underground club.  This gives them a feeling of togetherness and power. 

It’s funny how most gossip never seems to be positive.  Gossip often seems to be dedicated to putting another person down.

People need to put others down to feel better themselves.  Gossip can feel really good and exciting at the time.  Later, we may feel sick about the stories we have told, worrying that the person we have been gossiping about will find out what we have said. 

There are people feel no real problem or twinge of guilt in gossiping even about their close friends.  They repeat personal secrets their friends told them, even though they promised they would never tell a soul.  Often times that secret gossip doesn’t stay very secret, and all those underground rumors get out into the open.  As the stories circulate in the community, the details become worse and worse, and often have no truth to them.

Even though it’s probably impossible to get rid of gossip altogether, we should think twice about participating in gossip, whether it’s gossip with our friends, or gossip about our friends. 

Gossip about what a person’s funny new hairdo is probably not really going to cause any serious damage.  On the other hand, repeating stories about what two people were doing together can grow into a powerful crisis that destroys other people’s lives.

Think twice before you repeat gossip to another person, especially if you promised you weren’t going to tell anyone.   Once the story gets out into the community, whether it is a true story, or a lie, you can’t keep it quiet.  You can’t control the spread of the rumors, and you can’t control the way other people will bend and distort the story.

It’s easier to stop before you start.

This article was written by Royane Real - author of Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends 

Read more about this book below if you want to have better friendships:

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Learn to Be Popular - even if You're Shy and Lonely!

By Royane Real

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