By Royane Real

Author of:  “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”

Has anybody ever called you an introvert?  If you have been called introverted, you probably wondered what this term really means. 

If someone says that you are introverted, is that a bad thing?  If you are called an introvert, is that an insult?  Does it mean you are abnormal?  Is being an introvert something you should be trying to change? 

Many people get confused about the meaning of the word “introverted”.   We often think that the words “shy” and “introverted” both mean the same thing, but they don’t. 

We may think of an introvert as a person who is quiet and withdrawn, a loner, a person who has low self esteem and who is nervous about interacting with other people, especially strangers.  Maybe even someone who is a bit “weird”.  Someone who doesn’t have any friends.

Even though this is a common misconception about introversion, it is not really accurate.

Let me explain in more detail what the word “introvert” means.  If we want to understand the word “introvert”, we also need to understand the word “extrovert”.

A person who is an extrovert loves to be surrounded by people.  Extroverts find being alone quite stressful, and they don’t like being alone for very long.  Extroverts recharge themselves by spending time around others.

A person who is an introvert gets a lot of pleasure and meaning from being alone.  Being around people all the time can make an introverted person feel stressed. 

When things get stressful for an introverted person, they like to recharge themselves by going off somewhere alone.  Introverts don’t hate people, and they don’t lack in self confidence.  They just feel better when they spend some time alone once in a while.

To an outside observer, a shy person and an introverted person may look the same.  They are both likely to be quiet, and they want to stay away from groups of loud noisy people. 

Both the shy person and the introverted person will probably not initiate many conversations with other people.  Instead, they are both more likely to wait until someone else starts a conversation with them. 

A shy person feels nervous about being judged by other people, especially with people they don’t know well.  A person with shyness may be either an introvert or an extrovert. 

Even though a shy person and an introvert may look the same on the outside, they may feel different on the inside.  Many people who are introverts are not shy at all.  They simply get a lot of pleasure out of being alone.   

So is being introverted a bad thing?  No it isn’t.  Being introverted or extroverted are simply normal human qualities.  Both have value. 

In some countries, qualities such as being quiet and low key are very highly valued.  However, in North America, qualities such as being outgoing and confident are prized more highly.  In North America, people who are shy, low key, quiet or introverted are sometimes even viewed as if these are bad qualities to have.

If someone has called you an introvert, even if they were trying to insult you and somehow imply that you are abnormal, remember that being introverted as an absolutely normal human quality to have.  You don’t need to try to change being introverted, because you can’t really change it. 

Still, if you are introverted, you may need to explain yourself a bit to the people around you.  Let your friends and your family know that while you like them and enjoy their company, you also really appreciate the time you spend alone.

That will help your friends and family understand that even though you may sometimes seem unfriendly, you just have a different way of expressing your need to be with others.

This article was written by Royane Real.  My popular book “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”  will teach you everything you need to know about how to make friends.  Where to find them.  How to start up conversations with people you don't know very well.  How to get over your shyness.

You'll learn how to keep a conversation going.  You'll find out what to do to keep a friendship strong and make it last.  

Isn't it time to stop being on the outside looking in?  Now is the time and here is your opportunity to change your life from one of being lonely to one of being popular. 

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