By Royane Real

Author of :  “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends”

We’re living today in a world that is getting very lonely for a lot of people.  Many of us are just too bushy to a lot of time with our friends, just chatting and laughing. We're too busy just trying to survive.

It wasn’t always this way.  A few decades ago, people had time to spend with each other.  Your parents and grandparents probably spent many hours with their friends over tea on the porch in the middle of the day or in the evening.  They chatted with their neighbors and caught up on gossip.  Nobody had to make playdates for their children three weeks in advance.

The very busy schedule we live nowadays has enabled many of us to have a life filled with luxuries that our parents and grandparents couldn’t have imagined, but we pay a price for this modern lifestyle.

Many of us today also live a life filled with a lot of stress caused by too many commitments and no time to relax.  Once we are grownups, many of us have very little time to spend just having tea on the porch with our friends and neighbors.

In fact, many of us are living a life of loneliness that our grandparents couldn’t have imagined.  We don’t always feel the loneliness because we are so overworked and busy.  But deep down many of us are lonely, and we don’t have time for our friendships.

Many parents feel frantic and exhausted.  Women in particular let their lives get out of balance when they take on too many burdens to keep the home and family running. Besides working at home, most women are also working outside the home. 

Where can you find more time for renewing yourself in the company of friends?

Somewhere in your busy schedule, you may be able to find some new time by trying some options you haven’t considered before.  You can ask someone in your family to do some of those chores that you think only you can do properly.  You can let go of some of your high standards for a few of those tasks and let other people do them in their own way.  The payoff will be more time to you to do a few other things, like finding time to spend with your friends occasionally.

If you’ve let your life become too busy working and spending, does this reflect your deepest values?  Take some time to reflect on this.  Very often, people bury themselves in their work to run away from feelings of emptiness.  It’s quite possible that if you really think about it, your work doesn’t give you every thing you want.   You need to have a life outside of work, and outside of being a busy consumer. 

You need to have some friends who spend time with you because they like you and not just co-workers and family that spend time with you because they don’t have much choice.  It’s only in our moments with people who care about us truly that we can start to feel relaxed and renewed. 

Make a choice about how much time you want to spend being busy and how much time you want to set aside for reflection and relaxation.  Schedule some time for fun.

Make an effort to pick up the phone and call your friends more regularly.  Emailing and online social networking aren’t really a substitute during those times when we need to see a friendly face and share some of our personal time with another human being.  

If you really want to keep friends in your life, you need to make a space in your schedule, and a space in your heart for them.  

This article was written by friendship expert Royane Real.

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Learn to Be Popular - even if You're Shy and Lonely!

By Royane Real

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