Royane Real

By Royane Real

Why are some people able to talk with others so easily, while for others making conversation is a difficult task?

I used to wonder about this question a lot while I was growing up.  I belonged to the group of people who found making conversation very agonizing.  I was painfully shy, and I couldn’t think of things to say to people, even though sometimes my mind would be whirling.  Other times my mind would go blank.

I was so envious of those who made conversation easily.  What was their secret, I wondered to myself. 

While I was putting together my special report on improving conversation skills, I researched this particular question.  I wanted to discover why some people seemed to be able to make conversation so easily, while for others such as me, it was a real struggle.   You may find some of the answers to this question surprising.  

Here are a few reasons I discovered that explain why some people find it so easy to start up conversations, and why others find it very difficult to make conversation, especially with people they don't know very well.  

Some people are simply born very outgoing and that seems to be the reason that it is so easy for them to think up topics to say to others.  They may be natural extroverts, preferring the company of other humans to being alone. 

However, not all people are born extroverts by nature, many people are introverts.  Introverts cherish their private time and if you are an introvert, you may find a lot of interaction with other people to be exhausting.  

Another factor that explains why some people find it easy to make conversation and others do not is because of confidence.  Many of the people who make small talk easily are very self confident.  People who are truly confident rarely worry about what someone else might think of them.  If you’re not self confident, you may be afraid to speak up unless spoken to, in case you make a mistake.

Still, there are other reasons why people talk a lot and talk easily.  Not everyone who talks a lot is filled with self esteem. 

You have probably noticed that some people who talk all the time are actually very arrogant and conceited.  These people always believe they are the most important, most interesting person in the room.   They are not interested in interacting with other people, and they certainly don't have any interest in listening to them during a conversation.  For these people, their ability to talk a lot is rooted in their arrogance and conceit.

There are many people who talk a lot because they lack emotional sensitivity.  They won’t notice, or particularly care whether the people around them actually want to participate in the conversation.  Their lack of interpersonal sensitivity makes it easy to talk, but it does not lead to conversations that are satisfying or interesting.

Some of the people who talk a lot are actually extremely anxious.  They talk to fill up some void within themselves so they won’t notice how scared they are. They hope that if they talk non-stop, nobody else will notice how nervous they are.

If you have been wondering why some people are able to make conversation so easily, and why other people have great difficulty making conversation, these ideas may help you understand the reasons why some people are able to be so talkative.

In North American society, people who talk easily and freely with others are usually perceived positively.  An ability to talk a lot is often admired.

However, this is not true in all parts of the world.  In many places, it is the quiet people who are more respected.

If you happen to be one of the quiet ones, do not put yourself down for it.  You are probably very thoughtful and sensitive, and those are wonderful qualities to have.

If you have problems making small talk, you might not be able to change yourself into an extrovert, and you might not be able to become self confident in a hurry.  But one thing you can do is to improve the skill with which you speak to others.

Don't be too envious of those who make conversation easily.  It takes more than having the gift of the gab to really connect with other people and make friends.

You need to be able to listen, and you need to be interested in the other person as well.

This article was written by Royane Real

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