Author of  "Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation"   

 

Here’s a question for you:  Would you rather spend time with a person who seems to be friendly and open toward you, or would you rather spend time with a person who seems withdrawn and aloof? 

 

Would you rather spend time with a person who asks you about your life, or a person who shows no interest in you or your opinions?  Which of these kinds of persons would you try to befriend?  Which of these would you make conversation with?  Which of these people would you ask on a date?

 

Most of us would answer that we would rather spend time with a person who seems to like us.   Most of us would not enjoy spending time with a person who seems uninterested in knowing us better, or a person who seems to actively dislike us.

 

When you are with other people, which kind of person are you?  Are you the kind that seems open and friendly towards those you meet?  Or are you withdrawn, or even hostile?  Do you act interested in those around you?  Do you try to engage them in conversation?  Is your body language friendly and open?  Or is your body language closed, and rigid?

 

What about your facial expressions?  Do you smile genuinely at others and make frequent eye contact with them?  Do you allow your face to show your emotions, or are your emotions tightly sealed away?

 

Most people feel more comfortable when they are with someone whose emotions they can read.  They want to feel as if that person likes them and isn’t threatened by them. Under these conditions, everyone can relax.

 

When a person rigidly guards their emotions and their body language, others become uncomfortable around them.  The reason people feel uncomfortable is because they can’t tell whether they are with a friend or with an enemy. 

If people aren’t sure that you’re really friendly, they will be on guard against you.  Under such circumstances, friendship cannot flourish.

 

If you want other people to feel comfortable when they meet you, you will need to show some open body language towards them. 

That means you should hold your body in a relaxed way.  Don’t cross your arms in front of your chest.  Let your facial expressions be relaxed and open.  Let your smiles and laughter come easily.  You need to make some eye contact with them, but not too much.  Too much eye contact can be intimidating.

 

In your conversations, you need to show that you have an interest in the person you have met.  The art of asking questions that show your genuine interest is an important social skill.  If you ask too many questions, or if you pry too deeply, you can make the other person feel uncomfortable with you.

 

Sometimes very shy people, or people who have been brought up in a family where loving emotions were not expressed, have a difficulty showing their friendly side when they first meet other people.  This can result in a life of loneliness and isolation.

 

It can take time to learn new social skills that will make you appear like a friendly, more open person.  Learning new social skills takes work and courage, but the improved social and emotional life is well worth the effort.  

 

Learn to Make conversation Effortlessly!

By Royane Real

Would your life be better if you could make conversation more easily?  Do you wish you knew how to make other people like you?

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